Tag: Paganism

Me And Mine · So it's Saturday

Something Wicca this way comes…

paulaacton3 Comments
Borrowed from a friends fb page

Technically I am not a Wiccan, I hate labels but pushed as most of you know class myself as Pagan.  I am only in the early stages of my journey in my beliefs, still feeling my way along as you might say which is why althoug I read avoricously through blogs and fb posts from various groups of different branches of paganism I do not class myself at this time as belonging to one specific branch. I never really intended in using this blog to go into my beliefs I hate people preaching at me and try to avoid it at all cost but today I am going to make a little exception, not in the idea of converting anyone but more in talking about me and why I feel the way I do.

I grew up in a little village surrounded by fields and woods.  I have always felt at home there, even now if I dont get out into the fresh air at least once a day I go a little crazy.  Just after my son was born 4 years ago I noticed my back hurt.  Well normal you would think…so did I.  Then a part of my thigh went numb the midwife said don’t worry mention it at your six week check up.  By my six week check up I could barely stand never mind lay down flat for the examination that followed.  My doc to her credit diagnosed a slipped disc immediately and referred me to physio.

The physio pulled a few strings to get me an MRI scan and toget me referred to the consultant.  In all this process took six months I will not go into the whole scans and rereferrals here but those six months were the darkest of my life.  I spent months trapped in my own home, well actually upstairs as I could not get up and down them.  I suffered from depressions I had a new baby I could not care for properly and was out of my head on drugs most of the time that did not take the pain away but at least numbed the edge of it.  It turned out it was three discs that had slipped not just one and the road to recovery has been long and hard and I still have a long way to go.

But last year I turned forty and decided that things had to change.  My life had been on hold waiting for my back to improve and it was but very slowly.  So I wrote myself a list of things I wanted to achieve in life one of which was my novel.  And it was through my novel that my journey on the pagan path really began.  In researching medieval religions, witchcraft and the like I started to find they shared many of my beliefs or should that be I shared theirs.  I am not sure how I classed myself really before I had beliefs I had faith in an afterlife of sorts in that I didn’t believe that we existed without purpose but I couldn’t believe in a God one all powerful being controlling everything.  I did believe we were all connected though through spirit and this was where I was drawn to Paganism.  The connection to the natural world and everything in it.  When I sit in the woods or in a field I never feel alone in many ways I feel more connected to the earth than I ever have in a room full of people.  Since starting to explore this side of my nature I see far more than I ever did before (anyone on my fb knows this from the sheer numbers of photo’s I take and believe me you guys have only seen a small percentage) and in seeing the beauty of nature afresh I draw inspiration from it and in turn it refreshes and invigorates me.  Could I happily go live in the woods? Hmm probably not I do like my creature comfort and without internet how would I read all your wonderful blogs but could I go live in solitude away from town life yes, yes, yes.  I take great pleasure in sharing the natural world with my son now and watching as he sees it all with the wonder of a childs eyes.  Do I share my beliefs with him no not really one he is only four and secondly I believe he has to find his own way the same as his sister did (she is an athesist) I did however make sure she experienced and learnt about different beliefs and for a while she did have her own now as a teenager she is sceptical and believes in science and when she is older who knows.  She has inherited from me though a way of looking at the world around her and seeing the beauty in the simplest flower or the drift of the clouds across the sky.  Only last week she shouted me to look out the window at the moon as the way the clouds were drifting across it were spectacular that night.

I think the relationship I have with my Goddess is in someways a personal one, I don’t feel I have to be part of a group to experience it or shout it from the rooftops (which is contradictory I know as I am here blogging about it) but I believe it is something within me which connects me to her deep inside my and that I need only listen to hear where the next step on my journey will take me.  In many ways Paganism is like a huge nature reserve, there many be many paths traversing its depths, paths crossing before diverging only to rejoin at a different point and each person must take their own route as I take mine.

Anyway maybe this will help you get to know me a little better maybe not but I will wish you all a peaceful, inspired and blessed day.

 

Respite from the Storms
The Muse · Thoughts on thursday

Respite from the Storms

paulaacton6 Comments

I got up this morning to bright sunny skies and the thrilling sight that this little blog had reached the 500 hundred views mark.  A little happy dance was in order so I did a few twirls then remembered I hadn’t taken the painkillers for my back yet and sat down.  Normally I do a sunday photo blog but as I had the awards blog to do yesterday I didn’t get round to it. So I decided today I would take the camera with me.  Now one thing I should explain at this point is my toddler aslo known as the Monster has speech problems so twice a week he attends a special sppech therapy nursery.  Until last week I used the time to sit in a spare room there and work on my novel now they have the builders in so I am forced to go wandering.  So this is how my day went……waiting outside for the taxi to travel to the nursery I decided to snap a few pics of how fresh everything looked with the dew still on it.

So a few photos later the taxi arrives after a short drive we arrive at the nursery where I drop the Monster off.  Now with a couple of hours to kill I decide to have a walk to the near by supermarket for breakfast.  I know there is supposed to be a short cut nearby but unsure I decided to check it out from the other end on the way back.  It also gave me the opportunity to take a peek into a little wooded foot path further down the hill which the taxi drives past.

I again snap off a few pics before making my way round on the main road to the supermarket.  It is here I prove being blonde is not about hair colour.  I dye my hair blonde because it covers the grey which has invaded my chestnut locks and means as more goes grey I have to dye it less.  Off I trundle to the hole in the wall, check the balance thats okay funds available (I had only remembered to bring one card the one that had real money in lay at home on the computer.)  Clicked withdraw £10 then promptly took the card back and walked away sans cash.  The lovely person behind me kindly did not bother alerting me to this fact and slipped it in their pocket. I am not a bitter person but believe in karma and I hope karma choked them on whatever they spent it on.  So into the supermarket for breakfast which tasted bland possibly due to the knowledge gained at the checkout that I had left the said tenner in the machine.

So after drinking my coffee I set off in search of the shortcut.  I quickly realised that what I actually found was not a shortcut but a haven in the midst of suberbia.  Technically not a public footpath, the council had stuck up a sign to accept people may cross it as long as they did no harm (which of course some people had done, dont they know some people see these sorts of signs as a challenge.)

So after exploring a little I sit down on a rock and pull out the notepad and write down a few of my thoughts some just for this blog others to be used in my novel or at a later date.  I still have over an hour until it is time to collect the Monster and get the taxi home. I love these sorts of places, I feel at home here, at peace.  Could I ever abandon my creature comforts to live in this sort of place full time, hell no, but one day I would love a house surrounded by the wilderness on all sides.  I watch as birds flit in and out the trees, their songs echoing against the babbling brook.  I block out the noise from the main road only a few hundred feet away and the hum from a factory I know is a little way over in one direction and I let nature tell me her story.  Everywhere there are signs of human invasion, litter dropped and blacken piles where fires have been set, but nature will slowly but surely earased these as she has other invasions into her space.

As I sit here I spot a guy dashing through the trees, wearing a hoodie dog lead in hand.  I look across at him and he looks at me, a furtive glance suggesting neither of us should be here.  A crashing to the other side of me then draws my attention I turn to find myself face to face with a big tan pittie.  He stops his face a few inches from mine and briefly seems to look into my soul before bounding away tail wagging after his master.  I do wonder at times if I am a little silly for putting myself in these places.  After all I am sat there on my own well out of shouting distance for help with a bag containing (today anyway) camera, phone, purse, and my kindle but for some reason I never feel threatened when I am in these places.  It is as if some greater force had willed be to be there and by her protection I am safe. and yes you did read right I said her.  I am not big on religions of any shape or form and hate conforming to any label, but if pushed to give an answer I would say I am now a pretty fully fledged pagan.  I believe in a mother Goddess who guides nature and us if we will only connect ourselves to the planet.  I respect everyone has the right to follow their own path whatever that may be as long as it harms no others.  But that is straying a little from the subject which is me sat alone in the woods.  My other half has pointed out many times this is not the brightest thing to do and I know sadly he is right.  Which leads me on to the next thoughts I had why when we see someone now do we automatically question their intentions, this poor guy was only walking his dog, yet in my mind however briefly numerous none to nice thoughts about what he could be up to ran through.  Am I alone in thinking that really shows the sad state of humanity in the world now when we look at people not as people but as threats? I would have posted more pics but it seems i am out of space. I hope you enjoyed sharing my morning with me, how was your morning today?