Liebster Award 2016

First let me apologise the blog will be up later today got busy with sports relief stuff and though it is filmed I have not edited it yet, I shall do so when I get home from work xxxx

Liebster Award

I was nominated for the Liebster Award by Ellie over at Quotidiandose feel free to pop over and check out not only her answers but also her blog in general as it is well worth a visit.

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This is how it works:

  • Thank my nominator  – Ellie you are awesome!
  • Share the award on my blog !
  • Answer the 10 questions asked of me
  • Ask 10 questions of 10 new nominees
  • Notify them – This is the bit that annoys me lol hopefully pingback will work

So here we go…

  1. Why did you decide to blog?  I decided when I turned forty to stop procrastinating and start writing properly, I had always done little bits here and there but never applied myself so writing a blog was something that was suggested to me at the same time. It was a great way for me to build my confidence and slowly start sharing my thoughts and words and also turned out to be a brilliant way to make a few friends.
  2. Do you have themes that you blog about? (Such as  food, writing, sports, psychology, etc.) The main topic on my blog is writing but I do tend to veer off frequently, it has become a mix of sharing both my writing and my life, so hopefully it lets people get to know me better as a person and get to know how my mind works, I even include a monthly review of a beauty box I buy and I know a few people who are not into make up and beauty still enjoy it because the love the fact I am so honest about me feelings on the things I receive in it.
  3. What is the typical length of one of your blog posts? (word count) Well this one will be longer than a lot of them but that is because half the words are pre written for me lol I try to keep my blog posts to between 500-750 words, I know as a reader if I have a lot of blogs built up in my inbox I will read the ones I know will be shorter first and I know a lot of my readers have similar time constraints meaning they cannot always read all the blogs they would like to. I do not take it personally if someone stops visiting my blog or only pops by occasionally, we all have such incredibly busy lives with our own blogs and writing and reading is always the first thing to suffer.
  4. Are you part of a bloggers network? If so, how has it been beneficial? Not as such, but I do take part in the A – Z challenge each year through April which I find is a great way to find new blogs and get to know new people I tend to pick a couple of new blogs each year and follow all their posts and have always ended up staying on following them afterwards, it is not too late to sign up for this year if you are interested http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html
  5. How many times a month do you post  on your blog? I try to post daily, but that does not mean I always succeed or that I actually write on my blog daily. For example I post book reviews on a Monday, usually what I try to do is write the review as soon as I finish the book and queue them although at the minute I am up to date I need to start reading quicker.
  6. Who were the last three followers to your blog? My latest three followers have been Gryffindor Queen over at https://thatweirdbrowngirl.wordpress.com, https://swo8.wordpress.com/ and Mona at https://tishowthelightgetsin.wordpress.com/
  7. If you could meet three historical people from any point in time, who would they be? First up Marilyn Monroe, I want to know what happened that evening was it an accident or was she murdered, I do not believe it was deliberate suicide, Boudica, I am fascinated by the idea of the warrior queen, those who have had sneak peaks of my novel know this so I would love to meet the original but my third choice would also be a queen, Cleopatra, I would love to know how she held the greatest empire to have ever existed in the palm of her hand before losing everything.
  8. Where do you get the inspirations for your posts? Anywhere and everywhere, I think the thing is I think of you all as friends so it makes sense to me to share the same sort of things with you as I would share with friends, books I have read, programmes I have watched, stuff I enjoy and occasionally places I have been.
  9. What is your goal for your blog for 2016? For the next 5 years? This year I want to be more consistent with my posts and write more about more writing, over the next five years I want to start earning a living from writing and be able to quit the day job so I will have to be more focused and not allow myself to get distracted as easily.
  10. What rewards do you have in mind for reaching your goals? Quitting the day job will be the ultimate reward, giving myself the ability to make a living doing something I love and hopefully travelling more as part of that.

And now for my ten nominees…

  1. Bridget Straub
  2. Gemma
  3. Lucy
  4. Heidi
  5. CB Wentworth
  6. Linda
  7. Sandra
  8. Hornygeekgirl
  9. Stephanie
  10. Valentine

You can answer these questions as frivolously or seriously as you each desire I cannot wait to read your responses though

  1. Why did you decide to blog?
  2. Do you have themes that you blog about? (Such as  food, writing, sports, psychology, etc.)
  3. What is the typical length of one of your blog posts? (word count)
  4. Are you part of a bloggers network? If so, how has it been beneficial?
  5. How many times a month do you post  on your blog?
  6. If a fictional character were to write a blog who would you want to write one and why?
  7. Where do you get the inspirations for your posts?
  8. What is your goal for your blog for 2016? For the next 5 years? 
  9. What rewards do you have in mind for reaching your goals?
  10. What piece of advice would you give someone setting up a blog today?

26 Things About Me

Twenty-six things about me…

I saw this on Archon’s Den and decided to appropriate it especially as you read this I shall be doing the day job then hosting a book launch, if you want to read his answers you can do so here

A- Age: I believe technically you are not supposed to ask a lady her age, but as I rarely get confused for one I shall admit to my 44 years on the planet.

B- Biggest fears: Needles and man made heights, needles I have overcome to a point but man made heights still make me hyperventilate, I can happily stand at the top of a cliff and look out over but ask me to get onto a step ladder and I feel sick

C- Current time: 8.01pm. it is also a Tuesday and so basically when you read this you will be time travelling

D- Drink you last had: Diet coke, I wish it was something more exciting but there you go

E- Every day starts with: A curse and a hit of the snooze button except Sundays that start with the monster usually waking me to ask if he can go downstairs and watch TV

F- Favourite song: So many, I don’t really have one favourite I tend to have favourite songs for different moods at the minute the three most played on my phone are Kylie Minogue Into The Blue, Evanescence Back To Life and Christina Perri A Thousand Years.

G- Ghosts, are they real?: Of course, I have even interacted with a couple.

H- Hometown: If you count home town as the place you live then it is Huddersfield, West Yorkshire but if you count it as the place you were born and your parents live then it is Kippax, Leeds just a few miles down the road.

I- In love with: No one at the minute, unless you count my kids, or Mr Darcy, who I have been in love with since I was about thirteen, I do have a bit of a thing for Sherlock at the minute but am pretty sure that is just lust.

J- Jealous of: At first I thought no one then I sat and thought and the list began, Steven Moffat because he gets to write Doctor Who and Sherlock, Kylie Minogue because of how fabulous she looks, all authors who earn enough from their writing to be able to do it full time as a job, people who can eat what they like and not put on weight… maybe we need to define the type of jealousy lol

K- Killed someone?: Well that would be telling, I mean I could hardly confess here without incriminating myself could I, I will say I have killed lots of people in my head and planned quite a few deaths, my perfect murder weapon is a frozen leg of lamb, I would tell you more but it may be featured in a book at some point.

L- Last time you cried: I cry at every thing these days, animal abuse stories, animal rescue stories, but last time I really broke down and blubbed was when my dog died last September

M- Middle name: Suzanne, I know you were all hoping for something more exciting but there you are don’t blame me I didn’t pick it

N- Number of siblings: 4, three sisters and a brother, I am the oldest and there are 15 years between me and my youngest sister which is the same gap as between my daughter and the monster.

O- One wish: Tempted to do the Miss World answer and go for world peace but not sure if we got it that it would last so instead a cure for cancer or dementia, see I am being fair to the wish fairy there and giving them options.

P- Person you last called: My daughter, she was at my house and I called to tell her to put the quiche in the oven as I was on my way home.

Q- Question you’re always asked: are those your real eyes? Now to be fair they are not actually asking if my eyeballs are real rather I do get a lot of questions about the colour of my eyes and whether I am wearing contact lens, the answer is yes they are and if I am honest not sure I could stand wearing contacts even though I have seen some really cool ones I would love to try especially for Halloween.

R- Reason to smile: lots but if you see me smiling and there is not an obvious one I probably just thought up a really cool way to kill someone!

S- Song last sung: if you mean sung as in someone heard me then happy birthday to the monster last May, if you mean in my own house with the stereo turned up so loud that even the dog does not have my listening inflicted on him, Kylie Into the Blue and I am not just saying it but my singing is actually that bad

T- Time you woke up: 7am when the first alarm went off and I cursed and hit snooze

U- Underwear colour: Black, nearly always black

V- Vacation destination: Not really having one this year but next year USA here I come, well assuming they let me in the country

W- Worst habit: doubting myself, you have no idea how many posts, stories and comments I write and then delete without hitting publish just because I am scared I will let people down that have believed in my abilities.

X- X-Rays you’ve had: think they have all been on my back, plus lots of MRI scans, to the point where the staff actually knew me when I walked in, not sure if that was because I had made a good impression or was notorious

Y- Your favourite food: Chocolate wish I could say something really healthy like quinoa or kale but I believe in being honest

Z- Zoos visited!: Blackpool and Isle of Wight zoo which is technically a tiger sanctuary and you should certainly visit if you are ever on the island, you can find out more about it here, for several years we actually sponsored one of the tigers named Zena

This is not the sort of one where you nominate someone but if you decide to have a go at answering the questions be sure to link back here.

Another Award Catch Up

Another award from SJ over at Delirious Anecdotes, you can check out her dreams here and I sincerely hope they all come true for her

Rules

  1. Thank (and follow) the blog that nominated you for the award.
  2. Tell us of 7 dreams of yours.
  3. Nominate bloggers.

Pretty Logo Award Thing

img_6545My Answers

I decided that aspirations and wishes are more appropriate than my actual dreams as they tend to be a little naughty at times and involve several famous actors and sportsmen though not all at the same time, well most of the time anyway but onwards…

  1. I wish the cure for cancer could be found and it work for all strains. I received the sad news someone I went to school with passed away at the weekend, another family now torn apart by this horrible disease.  While this was not someone I had kept in touch with she was none the less a lovely girl with the brightest smile and an infectious laugh, she leaves behind a teenage son who will miss out on so many special times because of a disease that does not care who it destroys.  There are conspiracies out there of course suggesting the cure is known and pharmaceutical companies are sitting on it for profit I hope if it is ever discovered that is the truth the people making that decision are charged for the thousands of deaths that cancer causes each year.
  2. I wish for a world where there is no bullying, that parents teach their children the old adage of if you have nothing nice to say say nothing at all.  When I was at school you did not have to be friends with everyone but the people you weren’t friends with you just didn’t bother with you did not have to lead hate campaigns against them, you had your own life to get on with.
  3. I wish for a world where parents take responsibility for their children, my kids are not perfect, they have their faults, acknowledging this does not mean I love them any less in fact the fact I can see their faults probably means I love them more because I see the issues, address them and help my children become better people, too many people think they are their children’s friends when the greatest gift you are ever given is the chance to be a parent.
  4. On a more personal level I want to make a living from my writing, I might never be rich and famous but to be able to write full time, attend conventions and meet people who enjoy reading the books I write.
  5. Tied in with the last would be to receive positive reviews for each book I release, I know you cannot have all reviews be good, well not unless you pay lol but it would be nice to see the four and five star reviews mount up.
  6. I would like to meet someone and have a meaningful relationship, right now I still don’t see it happening and am certainly not looking but it would be nice to think in a couple of years my Mr Darcy might be out there and find me.
  7. I have said I just want to be able to earn a living from my books but there is one thing I would love and that is to be sat on a bus or a train and look across and see someone reading one of my books, I am not sure if I would say anything to them but maybe I would ask if they were enjoying it and if they say yes offer to sign it for them but guess I would try to read their expression first lol

 

Nominees

If you are reading this you are nominated because I would love to know what your dreams are 😀

 

Love-Hate Challenge!

Today something a little different, SJ over at Delirious Anecdotes has nominated me for the Love-Hate Challenge which consists of the nominee posting three lists: ten things they love; ten things they hate; ten people they nominate for the challenge. You can check out SJ’s lists here Love-Hate.

So list number one ten things I love…

 1)  Really obvious the first one, my kids, not really much to say on that but I have been blessed with two incredible kids I know my daughter does not get mentioned as much on here as the monster but she refuses to co-operate with videos and photos lol.

 2) My friends, as well as great kids I have also been so lucky as to meet and get to know some incredible people over the years, some have been in my life for a long time some I have only known a short time, some I have never met in person but our cyber interactions have meant that they have become very special to me and my family and it is only a matter of time until we meet in the flesh. This is a picture of me and my best friend taken at her wedding anniversary on last Saturday, we have been friends for around 19 years and pretty much been to hell and back together in that time.

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3) The Furries – obviously the dogs frequently make appearances in the vlogs but there are also the two guinea pigs, I am a huge believer that all children should be brought up with pets, it teaches them love, compassion and responsibility, I feel sadly too many people in this world lack those attributes they are brought up in houses that are not homes but showrooms designed to show off material possessions rather than to be a place that teaches the values that would make this world a better place.

4) Walking in woods – I grew up in the countryside and there is nothing as exhilarating as walking through woods and letting the minds create a million stories for every little noise, this is the monster sat at the beck at the beginning of a walk heading to the woods I spent lots of time in as a child and if anyone wants to write a story about this picture link it back to me please.

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5) Books, it will not surprise anyone I love a good book but even the bad ones serve a purpose, after all how do you know what is good and what is bad if you do not experience both, TV and films may provide entertainment in a more immediate form but they will never stimulate the brain as a book can, a book makes you think for yourself, create visual images of the characters, locations and envision the action it makes you debate if they have taken the right path, should they trust that character or believe a different one.  You can read a good book a hundred times and still find something new to take from it as our understand alters over the years.

 6) Music – First let me state I do not have a musical bone in my body in terms of actual playing music but I love listening to it. I love classical music that stirs the emotions, pop music that has me twirling around my room dancing and singing (though only when the music is so loud it means I cannot be heard) or even the musical scores of films that allow you to close our eyes and re-imagine your favourite scenes. Here is one to give you an idea of what I mean…

 7)  Doctor Who – No surprise for you all there, but what I love about this as much as the show itself is that it is a love and passion I get to share with both my kids and in November we are going to the Excel centre in London for the Doctor Who Festival, and hopefully spending the weekend down there exploring.

 8)  The sea – I grew up going on day trips to the seaside every weekend more or less, then when I was about ten my grandparents moved to the Isle of Wight and my love of the sea continued to grow, I love going out on boats and big waves no problem, the only time I ever felt sea sick was coming back from France stuck out side the harbour because of bad weather and that was because I was stuck below, unable to see the sea itself.

 9) Taking photographs – this will not surprise most of you who have followed my blog for any length of time, in fact for quite a while I was posting on a separate blog sharing my photos which I really should consider staring up again.  One of the perks of my newsletter is the promise of at least one photo that is unpublished anywhere else, last month was a butterfly and though I will not post that picture here I will post one from the same shoot which is almost as good as the newsletter one.

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10 

Ten things I hate.

 1) Hate – yes I hate hate lol I guess really it should read intolerance because there are times where real hate is understandable, if someone has killed your loved one but to hate en masse because of colour, religion or sexuality is wrong, wrong and ignorant.  Society is becoming more accepting when it comes to colour but let’s face it that has taken a long time and is still not quite there. Religion well again if truth be told most have more in common than different and if all the religions of the world stuff to the actual words spoken by their Gods rather than the interpretations given by men telling them what God meant or what they say God told them then the world would be a better place and a lot more peaceful, but it is also up to the majority of followers of all religions to stand up and refuse to allow their religions to be hijacked by the extremists on all sides, listen to ISIS and to the Westboro Baptist Churches you will find the only difference is the way they spread their messages, the messages themselves are not very different.  The issues with sexuality are usually fuelled by religion but again it really is very very simple, if you don’t agree with a homosexual lifestyle, don’t have one! If you don’t agree with gay marriage don’t have one! Leave the judgement to which ever higher power you believe in and get on with worrying about your own life and making that the best it can be, this is my best friend and her wife at their wedding anniversary last week, they believe in marriage, I don’t but guess what I still support their choice to do it even if I don’t want to but then again maybe I should demand all marriage be banned because I don’t agree with it?

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 2) Waiting in for parcels – why is it if you are waiting for a parcel but also need to go somewhere it will not arrive until late afternoon but if you are planning a day at home anyway it will arrive first thing in the morning?

 3) Cancer – if there were one thing I could wave a magic wand and change it this world it would be to remove this disease, I know there would still be others but the money we donate to research could be given to wipe out other illnesses but this evil seems to continue to take so many lives and it’s cruelty at letting people get better before striking them down again makes it particularly malicious.

4) Snow – now don’t get me wrong, as a kid I loved building snow men and sledging but what I hate about snow as an adult here in the UK is that everything stops with the first flurry.  Schools shut, buses stop but bosses still expect you to sort out child care and get to work.  It usually has been predicted yet the councils fail to get the roads gritted in advance and it gets very annoying and frustrating

5)  Clothes shopping – When I was thinner I loved clothes shopping I could walk into any shop and find something I like but once you are a certain size your options reduce considerably, much of the time you are reduced to one or two shops or shopping online and most of the time you will be paying more for decent clothes, yes I know there is more material involved but not as much as they charge you for.

 6) Fleas – I have two dogs as you know and the battle against these evil critters is an epic one, first it costs a fortune over the year roughly £200 just on the Frontline I apply on the dogs but because we have foxes that live where we do and other mite carrying wild life there are also the sprays etc to ensure they do not carry the odd one back into the house after walks, and secondly the fact that just thinking about them has you scratching for hours even when you know there are none there. Why can they not work out a why to rid us of these creatures for once and for all, I cannot see anyone getting upset at there extinction or mounting a save the flea campaign.  Maybe if we could persuade hunters that the true symbol of their skills is a mounted flea of a board?????

 7) Pets getting old – Boris is now 16 and I know his days with us are numbered and I hate it, I hate that the chances are I will be faced with the choice to make between breaking my own heart and ending his pain and it sucks.

 8) Rain when you have to go to work – I love the rain when I can sit and watch it from inside or even spin round in it in my garden but I hate it when you are heading to work then have to sit their in damp clothes and wet shoes for hours.

 9) When your computer decides to shut down and for some reason autosave decides to take a break and go on holiday – I know I don’t need to explain that any further to you guys.

10) When WordPress and other social media sites decide they want to change things and don’t give you the option they just change things for you and usually make things harder to use!

Ten Nominees – I cheated and used the next ten blogs I read while writing this lol

 1) Lindaghill

 2) Mari Wells

 3) Willowdot21

 4) Josh Mosey

 5) Lucy Williams

 6) Valentine Logar

 7) David Stewart

 8) Lord David Prosser

 9) C.B. Wentworth

10) M S Fowle

Lizzie Bennet Diaries Episodes 65-68

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It is all getting exciting now, I find myself trying to guess how they will deal with each original plot point as they approach and find myself constantly surprised…

The more I watch the more I like the way they have interpreted the relationship between Charlotte and Mr Collins, it is certainly hard to see how they could have had an intelligent woman settle for a marriage to someone who was her mental inferior just for security, and although it must still irk bright people to have to work for idiots that is far more realistic in today’s society.  I cannot help think though the constant references Lizzie makes to her mothers ignorance of the Vlogs may prove to be a red herring and we may discover mother knows all.

It was fun to see the way she dealt with Mr Collins and his work place over burdening of Charlotte’s work load while he enjoys extended breaks.  I guess this is something that we will see more and more in the future, that past indiscretions, embarrassing pictures and foot placed in mouth situations will affect people’s potential careers.  While most of it should be laughed of as harmless fun, after all who hasn’t made a fool of themselves at some point on a night out, their opinions on things could prove to be a lot more costly, we have already seen in the media to results of ill thought out tweets from people who thought they were being funny which have cost them their livelihoods.

It was great to see the cast expanded once more be the return of Lydia and Jane, Lizzie reveals a ‘hypothetical’ explanation for Darcy’s letter, we suspect there was more but that it only based on our prior knowledge of the original book, we shall have to wait to see…

 

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I am so excited to continue the series and see how they handle the letter, I hope they don’t change it to an email that would be wrong somehow despite modernising the story.

Okay there are going to be a few of you our there now chuckling over her reaction to the letter, anyone who has received one from me knows that I do still hand write letters, though I am not sure my illegible scrawl counts as cursive but I do also own and use a wax seal it is actually a brilliant way to be sure no one has been in your letter!  I love the way habit of switching the video off when she is in doubt reflects the struggle between what we believe and our feelings when we discover we are wrong.  I had actually not thought of how they would deal with the need to keep things secret within the letter, we are so used the the written versions where we are privy to the secret while other characters are excluded so it feels strange but with this format I cannot actually see any other way they could have dealt with it.

I was surprised at the re-emergence of Caroline and find myself feeling like I should go check it out in the book, the next meeting between them should occur at Pemberley but am guessing it was the proposal vlog that drew Caroline back. It is totally in character that she would however hate to have a secret kept from her especially Darcy’s. Caroline shows her true colours as the total bitch she is.

Lizzie Bennet Diaries Episodes 57-60

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Things are certainly heating up and we know what comes next…the proposal!  It will be interesting to see how they play this out as obviously the social class issues are different now for most people, even the Royals are relaxing the etiquette about who they can marry so on we go…

I had forgotten about the meeting between Elizabeth (Lizzie) and Darcy prior to the proposal, and that the next thing is should be the part where Fitz drops Darcy in it over splitting Bing and Jane up.  Sure enough Fitz turns up to help Lizzie create and awesome ‘care package’ (I have to say I love the idea of those I do something similar with one of my friends in the States if only customs were not so strict and postage was not so expensive I would send loads.) The talk turns to love and true to form he digs a hole drops Darcy straight into it and throws a few shovels of dirt into the hole on top of him.  The portrayal of the anger Lizzie feels on Jane’s behalf is well acted and the look on her face when she turns to see it is him who has knocked at the door was a classic.

I LOVED the way the proposal was dealt with the facial expressions on Lizzie as Darcy speaks and the ending, I just love it roll on the next batch of episodes!

Lizzie Bennet Diaries Episodes 53-56

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It seems like an age since I last watched any of these but it seems incredibly unfair to have broken off half way through so if you want to back track to where we were you can find the previous review here.

Now onwards once more…

First I have to say I did miss the chance to actually see the dinner with Miss DeBurgh and Darcy, it is one of the few issues that occasionally crop up watching this, that there are some scenes you would really like to see more of than a recreation or just hearing about it.  I liked that they made Anne DeBurgh character into a lapdog it is actually probably more in keeping than for Lady Catherine to have a daughter.

I like that they bring Darcy into the work environment which is a good analogy to the social battleground which dating in the original Pride & Prejudice, they made Fitzwilliam into his friend and gay which actually would explain why in the original he never actually made any attempt to secure Elizabeth’s affections despite obviously holding her in high esteem.  ‘Fitz’ is played brilliantly and you really get the feeling that is a perfect characterisation of the character in the novel, loyal while accepting his friends faults and failings.

Why did I leave it so long to come back to this I had forgotten how much I loved this series!

 

 

Lizzie Bennet Diaries Episodes 13-16

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Another week has passed and yet again I have restrained myself from watching ahead so as always see you on the other side of the clips…

Okay it is getting harder and harder to switch off after the fourth episode each week.  I am loving the way this is going in fact it even makes me feel like dusting off the camera and starting up my own Vlogs again except the are nowhere near as funny as these.  Lydia really reminds me of one of my own sisters, portrayal of the sibling bond really is well acted.  I love the idea of introducing modern elements such as the video games and that the pub has replaced the ballroom though a little part of me is rather disappointed about that in real life.  I do think there was something special about the idea of those formal dances where everyone got dressed to impress and actually danced in a civilised fashion without looking like they are being tasered repeatedly while in the process of getting dressed and left the house in their underwear.  Don’t get me wrong I am not a prude but very few people look as good as they believe they do and even fewer have friends worthy of the title who will tell them they look stupid, Miley is an example of that no genuine friend would have told her the ‘nude’ pvc bikini thing looked good.

Back on subject the pared down cast is still working really well I like they kept Caroline Bingley yet seem to have ditched Mrs Hurst and her husband and Aunt Phillips also appears to have been dismissed though unless we were going to actually see Mrs Bennet she would have served no purpose.

Roll on next week and the next installment

Lizzie Bennet Diaries Episodes 9-12

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The Diaries continue and I have to say I am finding it increasingly hard not to just watch ahead but so far am being incredibly restrained see you at the other side of the clips…

The more I watch this the more I am enjoying it.  I was a little wary how they would deal with some of the other characters such as Mr Collins who while not having pivotal roles in the original novel are there to provide both contrast and reference points for the main characters behaviours, so his mention in passing as a juvenile candidate for marriage but soon acknowledged for his true personality.

I am loving the take that despite the fact women can now be successful in their own rights many parents especially mothers do still push for that big day but I am convinced that it has more to do now with the wish for grandchildren than the belief that this is the only way a woman can be financially secure.

It would be fascinating to know what Austen herself would have made of this adaptation – personally I think she would have loved it, but also what she would think of the opportunities women today have.

Do you think Austen would have been jealous of todays options for women?