I decided today to take a break from the medieval but don’t worry another dungeon tour is imminent, instead I want to talk about ghosts.

We all grew up hearing ghosts stories you would think they would be easy to write but they are not.  First the very fact we all grew up hearing numerous variations on themes makes it incredibly hard to actually come up with original ideas. When I first got the idea to do this story collection it was because I already had a couple of ideas, then others started coming the problem was obviously my muse had the same childhood I did and was retelling me stories I was convinced I had already heard.  Eventually I came up with 15 ideas that I am happy are original enough to continue with that even if not totally original I can put my own voice into enough to make them my own.

I found myself asking several questions as I vetted these ideas..

1. Who is the ghost?
2. Why are they a ghost?
3. What do they want?
4. Can they have it?
5. Who sees them?
6. How do they react?
7. Is there a resolution?

The last one is most interesting does resolution mean the ghost moves on in very case in my stories it turns out the answer is no.  Sometimes they merely provide a resolution for the breathing characters.

I also wanted a couple of more humourous stories and hopefully when they are done a couple will have people laughing out loud but that will depend on my storytelling abilities, if I could show you them the way I see them in my head I know you would but it is the transference from mind to page that is hardest for me.  Ideas have never been a problem but I get incredibly frustrated at times trying to project the image to paper, to find the words to express my vision, I know I am probably not alone in that but it can feel that way at times.

Like so many others whose posts I read I do not believe in my abilities at times, I feel the desire for others to justify my words and it is a feeling I hate, it makes me feel like a needy child demanding praise, I even wonder if that is part of the reason for doing this, but then I get scared I will hear not praise or even censure but indifference.

I told my parents about being accepted for publication their response was hardly overwhelming especially as it is unpaid, but the comments I received here and from friends both real and online compensated and I feel that possibly strangers know me better than my own parents.  Don’t get me wrong if the novel was published and made money they would be proud of me but they would not read it still (possibly for the best given a few scenes) but to them it’s not real unless you make a living from it, and I wonder if that is why I feel the way I do about my work though in my case it is not the money but the seeing my name in print which is the main concern.  Having someone think I am good enough to print, someone who selects me above other choices, which makes me feel bad then thinking I may be taking the spot of someone more talented more worthy of the recognition.

I know it sounds like I have gone off topic but I haven’t you see these doubts are my real ghosts, the ones that haunt my dreams.  I do not fear the dead but I fear joining them never having silenced the doubts which plague me. And for that is the real essence of the ghost story, why we all love being scared by the imaginary ghouls because ultimately nothing out there can be as scary as the fear of failure.