I woke up one morning last week to about thirty notifications regarding pending comments from WordPress. I thought wow a new subscriber who has been reading my posts, or maybe, a few subscribers reading a few each, I scratched my head and opened my email folder then realised the WordPress hated me. For some reason best known to themselves, they had decided to turn off the spam filters overnight, most of the spam was in foreign languages so I have no idea what they were trying to tell me but to be fair most of those in ‘English’ were a mystery to me as well.
So I decided that it would be amusing to see what my spam says about me, I also have chosen a couple from my normal email spam as well just for your amusement. So first up from WP spam…
“Creating a hangover emergency system handy won’t look extremely important today, but when the time will come you’ll be happy to have the needed what to remedy a hangover. Making a hangover emergency system is a simple method that everyone can carry out. Additionally you can include those things you’ll need or don’t add the items you will not likely use.”
vegan hiking boots
So as you can see, I think I am supposed to create and emergency hangover kit, how do they know how bad my hangovers are? Why do I need hiking boots for a hangover? Why should my boots be vegan? Do vegan boots cure your hangover quicker? Judging by the writing a do suspect the writer may have been drug and was planning their own hangover kit for when they got up the next morning.
“My spouse and i too feel a new mommy that did not need to be expecting a baby. Not really because of its physicality, which i may handle needlessly to say. Things i couldn’t handle has been the romance patient or perhaps don’t have thereof which i recognized I needed however did not acquire. The actual shipping has been worse, using feuding loved ones with an unsupportive”
Okay, I have no idea what this person’s issues are! Maybe the wife got pregnant and he isn’t getting laid, maybe he thinks his relatives should make his wife sleep with him or they should sleep with him? Let’s just say this poor man has issues and I cannot think of anything that could be shipped to him that would be of any assistance.
“If this sounds like your circumstances, contemplate going for a crack through actively trying to conceive for a couple of a few months. (Which may be easier said than done in case your grow older making you feel as if you are rushing from the time.)”
Okay, I am single, and even if I were I certainly would not be cracking on to conceive. In fact given my medical history getting pregnant would be just about one of the worst possible things that could happen to me, but this one does worry me slightly because there are people out there who can’t have kids and this would be an extra slap in the face if it slipped through a spam filter.
“I probably gained weight already Mary looking at your coffee cakes. I can’t pick just one but all of them ahhah. thanks for the roundup and for the gi!vawayeHappy SUnday!”
I think this person may have been out on the beer with the first person and may need a hangover kit. I have no idea who Mary is but I am partial to a nice piece of coffee cake so if you know her, send her my way with it. and I think maybe the next two were with them.
“More posts of this quytlia. Not the usual c***, please”
“Your answer lifts the ingleeitlnce of the debate.”
I know they want people to click on their links but calling my normal posts crap is really not going to do you any favours, however, I have to say compared to some of the posts in my normal emails that is quite tame.
“You know what! Go fuck yourself. Shithole. How can you be that evil to me? Evil bitch.”
It would seem I have upset Claire, I have absolutely no idea what I could have done to her though the fact she has to ask how I can be that evil does rather give the game away that she really does not actually know me. The other thing I get a lot of is the fact the spam bots cannot work out I am actually female, I imagine the first four letters of my name flag me as a man, given the amount of mail order brides they think I might need, as well as the Viagra to cope with them, but what does amuse me, is this thing of trying to insult someone into clicking, using things like this,
Please stop emailing me your photos. I am engaged now.
We broke up a long time ago. MOVE ON!”
Stop stalking me and my friend or I will report you. You piece of shit, cock-sucker douche. I do not know why you are doing this! You slept together once, only once. It does not mean anything. Have not you heard of hook up?
So, f*** off and leave us alone”
“You mad bitch! You made me hate my guts last night. You are an ASS. You disgust me. It makes me wanna puke when I think of you. YOU SON OF BITCH. Do not you dare to do that to me again, sucker.”
Now you see it is actually a good job I am single and spam savvy because if not I might have thought that my bloke had been up to no good on my computer. I would have assumed as my computer always has my accounts signed in that he had used my email to pick up said women from dubious sites. So while I pop off now and check up on the numerous giftcards I have won to American stores we do not have in the UK, I hope I have at least given you a giggle, I may be a mad bitch, and occasionally, I may be evil but I swear I don’t have one night stands lol.