Absence

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI guess this picture sums up how I feel right now though there are blue skies looming the clouds are still obscuring them and the sun is trying to break through the canopy which has kept me in shade for so long.

Ten days ago I was forced to make a choice I had avoided for a long time hoping that things could be mended but sometimes what is done cannot be undone or erased and failure must be accepted.  And that is what has happened after 17 years my relationship has died and I believe is beyond resuscitation, sometimes people change and you find yourself staring at the face of the person you loved but knowing they are no longer there, they have changed beyond recognition.

They say write what you know and maybe one day I will for now my son is my main priority and finding myself again. I don’t write this looking for pity relationship end every day for one reason or another I write it because I need to and to draw a line under it so I can move on.  Who knows what fate has in store for me but am sure it will be interesting lol

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16 comments on “Absence

  1. One point to make…you cannot look at this as failure. 17 years is a long commitment and only you know what’s right here and what’s not. It takes a brave person, brave woman, to know when to walk away from something that’s been part and parcel of her life for so long…the unknowns are scary, the doubt creeps in all the time, some days it’s ridiculously hard to breathe, yet you will find yourself noticing every little detail of your life with new eyes…hard at first, but worth it. You’ve already stated your priority…your son….and that’s good, but make YOU the first line…for without the best you, there will never be a best him. I’m here, and wishing you all good things in the times to come…but when you need it, I’ve got massive shoulders and am pretty good at lining up kicks in the behind when needed. love you queenie…stay strong and stay focused on what’s right about your life. I know you will! xoxo

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  2. No, definitely not failure, just a change of direction.
    I found the hardest part was making the decision (I speak from experience and mine lasted 21 years) and then I spent time thinking ‘what do I do now’ until one day the answer dawned on me – ‘anything I like’ :). Good luck and keep strong

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  3. That’s sad news Paula and I’m truly sorry. But, if you’re right and the relationship is over, the fact that you accept it shows how much strength you have and you and your son can move on from it. I wonder what adventures lay in store for you both.
    Whatever they may be, you’ll always have friends to share them with you or to support you when needed.I wish you well. xxx Huge Hugs xxx

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  4. If there’s one thing that my late grandmother taught me it is this: it’s usually the correct decision that hurts the most. She was never wrong and she always had my back when my world fell down.

    This decision alone shows your inner strength and determination for a good life when it comes to you and Monster. When I recover from the current lurgy then you and I really ought to get together so that we can have a Doctor Who watchalong besides the one we already host online! There’s a Travel Inn not far from me and Monster would be very welcome to recite well-loved lines from the script with me!

    Much love xxx

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  5. All the best to you. Like some of the others who commented, I don’t see the beak up as a failure at all. I read somewhere (can’t remember who the author was) that relationships never really end, they just change form. You will both always be a part of each other even in separation. That’s not much comfort now I know, so soon after the split, but once some time has passed, it will make more sense. Be kind to yourself now, first and foremost.

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  6. I’m sorry hun. I believe everything happens for a reason, so I know something wonderful will come your way soon. I’m sending all my best wishes and hugs across the pond to you. xoxo

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