As a writer you are always told to start by writing what you know. After all you could not expect a virgin to write a convincing sex scene, what we experience as people informs our ability to convey emotions and feelings, but sometimes things are hard to put into words. When I wrote my flash piece Broken I was in a bad place and I was hurting. I allowed emotions which had built up over time to flood out, to be honest once I started I could not have stopped the words as they poured forth nor would I have wanted to but even then I had no idea of the impact those words would have upon the people who read them and for the responses which warmed my heart at a time it badly needed it.
But despite baring that part of my soul there is one lot of emotions I fear delving into, I have written poetry for friends who have lost children and loved ones which I have shared yet my own experiences of almost losing my son to meningitis is something I have avoided. I know I was a lucky one, other than a few issues I have a healthy happy boy yet something has always held me back and the last few weeks I have questioned what it is.
At first I believed it was fear of the feelings themselves that it would be too painful to go back to that first night in the hospital as he lay fighting for his life. The truth is I can face that I did face it I mostly held it together and got through it because despite thinking you are not strong enough the truth is you have to be so you are. I realised that the reason I have not written about it is I am scared that I do not have the talent to express the emotions I felt, that I will not be able to convey the depths of despair I felt nor the desperation at not being able to make it all better for my little boy.
There is a line in Harry Potter about fearing fear itself, and facing up to your fears being the only way to overcome them I have decided I should at least try so tomorrows flash fiction will not be from a photo but from a memory.
You will notice I scheduled this so I will be out of it recovering while you read it lol if I fail I can always ask for more medication to make it go away.